It's just a month....

     maybe other people ask me why am i like this,when in fact we lasted for only 44 days or one month and 14days...

    "reasons why I kept holding on
     because of the words unsaid
     things wasn't explained
     second chance wasn't given"

     If other people only knew, I gave my all to that person, I never thought that he will came my way. What happened is very unexpected. First and foremost it was not him whom I prayed for. I thought it would last even though its very complicated, I tried my very best to keep it secret. I tried my best to make our relationship last, but it seems that destiny made a way to separate us. A very simple misunderstanding that lead to a big issue, which resulted to our breakup. It hurts because one night changes us. I remember that night when he walks away, I knew he saw me at the corner of my tita's house crying, but he never took time to talk to me, how i wish he did maybe this will not happen,if he only open his heart and mind. Maybe we're still okey if I only shut my mouth. He never knew how much hurt it caused me. On the other hand when our relationship was spread out to our circle of friends and cousins I know things will never be the same. I know it's harder for him to act like nothing happened. He's the one left in our town, I'm residing here in Manila, while he resides in our town. He's the one left to answer the issue. I felt sorry for what I did, hoping that time will come, the issue will be forgotten. I love him, maybe time will come i will be able to forget him the way i forgot my previous boyfriends. I treasured every moment with him, those times when we used to talk for hours, we used to exchanged sweet messages, those stolen moments with him talking and laughing, those simple care when were with our cousins.. If they only knew, I tried my best to go back to my first year subject in law school, in order to defend our situation when things comes up. Even till now, i wish he didn't let me go, I wish he talked to me, I wish he managed to listen to me, he managed to take time to know why I need to said it.. I wish time will come, he will understand me.

    It's just a month, a month full of happiness, a month I thought would lasts. But for some reasons it did't. Whereever you are I wish time will come you will take time to know the reason behind the words I've said...

It's been a week

it's been a week since he left
and still my heart is in pain
can't get over on what happened
i wish i could turn back that day

i wish i never said those words
those words that changes everything
and now i was left
left with sadness on my face

im back to my normal life
back to those days
when all i see is black and white
until when am i like this?

im counting the days
still hoping that someday he'll be back
call me a fool, call me crazy
but it's still him my heart is longing

One Lonely Afternoon

It’s been 6days since he left

And until now, I kept asking myself

What’s the real reason of his leaving

When I know it’s just a misunderstanding

Can’t help but miss those days

Those days when I know his heart is still mine

Still I’m crying at night

Asking God to give us another try

I tried my best to keep myself busy

But at the end of the day

It’s still him my heart is missing

I wish I could turn back those moment

I wish I never tell to others

Wherever you are I want you to know

I’m willing to wait no matter how long

Sounds crazy, but it’s true

My heart still belongs to you

44 Days of Summer

     It all happened so fast and until now I can't help but think those days when we're still okey, those days when for the nth time I've believe that love really exists.

     Unexpectedly he came, when I've finally decided that I can live by myself, my world begins to be quiet and contented on how my life goes. That night when he came and enter my peaceful world, everything changed. I've learned to smile again and as the lyrics of the song of Christian Bautista "you put the blue back in the sky, you put the rainbow in my eyes, A silver lining in my prayers and now there's colour everywhere". "He put the blue back in the sky, he put the rainbow in my eyes, A silver lining in my prayers and now there's colour everywhere". Those 44 days of my life can be considered as one of the happiest day I ever had, whenever I  woke up there's always a simple smile knowing that there's someone who loves me and accept me. And at the end of my busy day I can't help but smile whenever I received a phone call from him. He always told me that he's different, that he's not like those guys I've met before and yes I believed in those words that he kept on telling me, for the nth time I kept on believing on everything that he kepts on telling me. Those sweet words and messages he sent to me, those simple care he showed to me. Our relationship is complicated for the reason that I can't tell here. That's why we've decided to keep it from our circle of friends. I've managed to go back on my subject Persons and Family Relations, researched the net and read several books only to prove that if something happens and if everyone got to know our relationship I'll be the one to defend it.  I've been into failed relationships before, and the lessons I've learned from those past relationships I've tried to applied it in our relationship. I always told him that whatever will be our problem if I or he has done something we'll have to talk about it and solve it.  We've tried hard to keep it secret, until one incident/tampuhan happened that changes everything. That simple incident/tampuhan that if I only managed to wait and don't spill our situation to other people, maybe we might be able to survived our relationship. At first, i really didn't know why he became like that, I've tried hard to know the reason,he did not talk to me for almost a day until one night he told me that he's not angry,that he's nagtatampo lang talaga. So I asked him, what was it unfortunately he did not say.  I've tried so hard to understand him but I really can't. I cried so hard to ease the pain. I'm hurt, and I felt like I'm beginning to explode if I can't share these things. So i decided to share this to two of my closest auntie's. 

     Thursday, I've decided to go to our place to be able to see him and talk to him. Unfortunately I wasn't able to see him, until that afternoon I was on my way to my lola's house when I saw him laughing with someone. My heart ache knowing that here I am, broke because I kept on thinking why was he like that, but it was just nothing to him. That night I've decided to invite friends and cousins to drank. I've been drank for the very first time, that I cried and cried so hard in front of them. The situation became worst and worst until Friday night May 24, 2013 he decided to broke up with me, and our relationship was being broadcasted unexpectedly to our circle of friends and cousins because of what happened last Thursday night. It's my fault I know. But there's only one thing I wish happened. I wish he was able to talk to me personally, and we were able to solve it, I wish I was able to explain to him why I've decided to shared our situation to others. It's really hard, It's really painful but It's my fault.. I'm the one who pushed him away from me. If only I could turn back that moment, I wish I never said it.

    Saturday morning I was able to talk to my auntie (my mother's cousin) and her friend and I've got a chance to know the reason why he broke up with me. I can still remember his words thru text "wala ka ng maaantay dyan, nasabi ko na kay ....... lahat, tapos na at wala na dapat ipaliwanag, last text ko na sayo to ayoko ng makulit" And aside from that I've got a chance to know his real feelings for me. It hurts and I felt really bad after knowing that what happened was just a RIDE, from his wordings JOYRIDE RIDE THE JOY. I wanted to go to his house and slapped him, but I've managed to calm down and try to accept it. It really hurts me most knowing that what he showed was just a mere ride on my feelings for him. I'm angry I want a revenge. But on the other side I know it's bad so I've decided not to. Sometimes I don't want to believe on what my auntie and her friend told me because it was a hearsay. Can't help but cried so hard knowing that all those times that he showed care and love for me it was just a show, it was just a ride because he knows that i love him. Unfortunately, despite what happened my feelings is still there. Call me a fool but deep inside I still hope that after a week or a month he will manage to talk to me, that maybe he was just pressured on what happened that maybe he will come back.

    For now, I'm beginning to go back to my usual ways 44 days before. I've learned a lesson from what happened. I love him, sounds crazy but I truly loved him. It will be hard for me to move on because of the circumstances that we belong to the same place and circle. I can't face him anymore, but I know time will come I will have the courage to face and ignore him. Wherever you are Ser (i've decided to choose a unique tawagan and this is the Armenian term for love) thank you for everything, even though its just a show, a ride or a trip I've managed to smile again during those time were together. I wish I could have a chance to explain to you everything, I wish I've got a chance to talk to you maybe these things did not happen if only you give me time to hear what I really felt..I'm gonna miss you your sweet voice, your smile whenever were together and everything about you,I'm gonna miss it.. I love you and I always will. Only time can tell when I will stop loving him.